i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
