Welp...herpes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
