Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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