If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
