Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
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going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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