So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
