Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
