new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
