guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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