everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
