I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
