Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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