you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
