I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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