I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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