My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
