At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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