Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
