I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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