Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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