everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
