oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
