I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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