i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
