You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
