Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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