So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
