It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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