Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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