a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
