Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
