You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
