I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize