Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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