I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
