i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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