hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
wow bdsm is so cute
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