I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
