so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
