Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
