Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The struggles of a small town man whore
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
