You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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