so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
