...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
