remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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