i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
