My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
