Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
