So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
