Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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