What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
