nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
