You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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