Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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