i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
