dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will be naked everywhere
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
