They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
