I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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