just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
