Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
