yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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