babies were throwing up all over the place
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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