did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
