I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
